Sick
by Baby Chiba
Summary: A glimpse into Seifer's mental state while he is torturing Squall in D-District Prison.


Summary: Seifer's mental state while torturing Squall in D-District Prison.

An experimental piece inspired by Bob Flanagan's poem, 'Why'.

A little present for my girl **Chemotaxis**

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Sick

By: Baby Chiba

You ask why…

The rigid clank of the rusted mechanism sounds as I rip it down again. The rhythmic hum of the electric currents echoes through the empty space. They dance around your chained body.

They rip a bloodcurdling scream from your raspy throat.

I can smell the burning flesh of your wrists, where the currents are hottest.

You convulse and arch so provocatively.

_Why_…

For an instance I feel myself falter. My intestines feel like they are knotting internally.

I want to laugh.

I can taste the bitter bile surging towards my mouth.

_Why_…

As if it was some profound existential question!

With a flick of my wrist the currents settle, the humming ceases.

Your body violently collapses against your bondage, like an abused marionette with tattered strings.

And I am the puppet master.

In that moment you find the strength to lift that heavy head of yours and through those sweaty, disheveled chocolate locks, pierce me with those stormy eyes.

And in that moment I felt those tattered strings I once controlled strangle me…

With that look you've raped me.

I feel everything and nothing.

I'm foaming at the mouth like a raving dog!

I'm quivering with disbelief!

I'm chewing my skin off with my dull canines.

I'm scathing, seething, raving mad!

I'm burning at the stake!

I'm freezing in the depths of an icy inferno!

I'm disintegrating like the ashes after a cremation!

I'm crucified like Hyne our fucking savior!

I'm sniveling like a fucking toddler back at the orphanage!

I want to scream

Laugh

Cry

Shout

Roar

Faint

Punch you

Ravage you

Kill you

Fuck you

Kiss you

Maim you

Love you

Degrade you

But you can't see any of that can you?

All you can see is my body tense and still, my hand clutching that switch.

I want so much to explain it to you, scream it at you, in a single shout that sends you reeling back to Balamb and crushes every bone in your being!

_Why_…

Why you ask?!

Because I'm sick

Because I was never actually brainwashed

Because I'm a sadistic fuck

Because I was born into a world of sickness

Because I say fuck all the sickness!

Because I felt compelled to

Because it makes me feel alive

Because SHE made me feel alive

Because I like the attention

Because SHE gave me attention

Because Matron only reprimanded me

Because I was special

Because I was alone, just like you

Because I wanted someone

Because I was an orphan

Because I was trained to kill

Because I had my humanity ripped from me

Because they put a gunblade in my hand and told me to kill

Because the only affection I ever got after six was when I slaughtered more grats than the next kid

Because I became addicted to the smell of blood

Because it was all around me

Because it feels nice to be able to control something around you for once instead of it controlling you

Because I like to kill

Because of gunblades, shotguns, nun chucks, whips, pinwheels, rifles, knives, chains, needles, grats, bite bugs, behemoth, ultima weapon, Ultimecia, T-Rex, Toramas, Sorceresses, red bats, ruby dragon, NORG, Jelly eyes, Guardian forces, soldiers…

Because it's all I know

Because it makes me feel invincible

Because it's survival of the fittest, and I'm too fucking afraid to fall behind!

Because it gives me purpose

Because my life is meaningless

Because the institution of training children to be assassins is fucked up

Because no one cared enough to give me a proper childhood

Because I was born into a world of suffering

Because when I think of all the cruelty I get bloodthirsty

Because I hate the cruelty

Because it's a vicious cycle, you hate what you've become and you become what you hate

Because people fear me when I'm ravenous

Because that power is all consuming

Because it's real

Because I don't know what's real anymore

Because I had a romantic dream

Because I became a knight

Because it's a valiant act

Because I'm bound by delusions of servitude

Because it's my nature

Because it's against my nature

Because I'm suffering

Because suffering is sweet

Because I reek of death

Because I'm a murderer

Because there's blood on your hands as much as mine

Because we're brothers in this, til death do us part

Because we're rivals

Because you always hurt the ones you love

Because human nature is twisted and fucked

Because I'm attracted to it

Because I am sick…

But all that falls on deaf ears.

I won't speak it.

And you won't hear it.

I engage the electric currents once more.

And become engulfed by the cacophony of your screams, which lulls me into a sick, sick serenity…


End file.
